Bared to the Soul

I visited my mother.

On the first day, my mother didn’t know me when she saw me.

That was okay.  She’s collected a whole lot of birthdays.  She’s had a stroke. I’d prepared myself for such a possibility.

But then, sometime during the second day…she knew me.

I knew the moment it happened.

It wasn’t the “aha” moment I have with friends when I spot them in the grocery store. It was the quiet, solid locking of eyes when two people have shared the same experience. In that deep gaze, images came at me–rapid fire and plush with emotions: teenage arguments; late night talks, sewing lessons; snotty things I’d said…

In no particular order, wordless visions of our lives twined around each other as we stared.

She looked into my eyes and read the depths of my soul, asking me to understand all the words she  wasn’t  able to speak anymore.

“I know you,” was all the vocabulary she was able to say. All my courage and bravado crumbled.

I had prepared for my mother not knowing me.  I was unprepared for the depth at which she knew me.

I’m not for sure who my tears are for….her or me.

Hope is Taking a Second Look

I have this habit of reacting as soon as I hear something.  You know it always merits a second look.

It takes me time to shoulder a new habit, policy, or anything involving change.

I find when I stop and look at something from all angles, I usually come away with a different perspective…especially in dealing with people.

Most people are good when you finally see them.                                            Atticus Finch; To Kill a Mockingbird

Halloween Bunny Strikes Again

I’ve had several people send me carrot recipes.

You can see why….

Thanks Les for making this great photo

I’m not sure why I planted so many. I guess I was having a Scarlett O-Hara moment, feeling that  “Ah’d nevah be hungry again.”

I canned carrots. Froze carrots. I shaved carrots into all kinds of food…even brownies, until Scout and Dallas Cowboy found out and demanded no more healthy food additives for them.

Now, my latenights are busy with sneaking out and leaving carrots on folks doorsteps. BwahHaHaHa…

Beware!! The Easter Bunny is celebrating Halloween.

When Cyberspace Goes Silent

Family visits are never Silent

A good friend of mine told me he hadn’t ever read this blog. He didn’t have time.

He probably doesn’t have time.  He takes care of his elderly mother 16 hours a day and works the other 8 hours.  His life is full of all the little things that make living possible.

Have you ever taken care of some one who is elderly, ill, or broken? What astounds me is how much time it takes.  Even just to visit. Or if you do a bit more, it takes even more time to  make meals, to provide transportation,  take someone on one of their many trips to the doctor.

Then I realize it’s not just the ill who might appreciate a good story or a listening ear. There are the folks who are grieving.  Others who are lonely. And doesn’t everyone have a nutty relative who needs a visit, but you have to force yourself because their house has pathways through their collective years of newspapers and magazines.and the place smells because they never open the windows?

What would happen if instead of surfing, answering e-maills, or reading blogs, folks were spending time with real people.

Wouldn’t it be great if one day cyberspace was quiet, empty, deserted….. like an abandoned world you see in sci-fi movies because everyone was busy spending “face-time” with others.

How much could we accomplish? How many wounds could we comfort? It’s something to hope for.

Who will you visit this week?

Cutting the Cord on Pain

By Bob Jagendorf

While visiting the wise and wonderful woman of the Nursing Home, I heard a woman down the hallway crying out…

“Help me… Help me.”

She often cries out.  Sometimes she’s in pain. Sometimes, she’s frightened. Sometimes she just wails and  no one can figure out what’s wrong. Today was one of those days that she couldn’t be comforted.

It brought up discussion.  If Jesus checked into a Nursing Home, do you think he’d heal everyone in there?

The wise and wonderful woman of the nursing home shook her head. She believes  that pain is part of life. It teaches us character and to count on something other than ourselves. “He’d help the soul, but not necessarily heal every body,” she says.

Now that I think about it, there’s pain with birth. Unavoidable pain that comes from simply  living, and many times pain in death. Perhaps cutting the cord on all pain, keeps us from the opportunity to grow. Hopefully there is a hand to hold when it becomes too much.  We learn to be there and link to each other to slog through the pain.

Perhaps it’s a cord we bind instead of cut?

Cutting the Cord on Cleanliness

I went to the beach with a friend.  I tried to only listen to her stories and not throw in a bunch of my own, but it was hard. It makes me realize how much I talk about myself, so I’m still working on cutting that cord.

The picture above was taken at a tomato festival in Chile, and made me think of an intereresting event at the beach.  With the morning low tides, folks would wade out in the shallows in green muck up to their knees to go clamming.  Some dug on exposed sandbars, but even that was pretty squishy. I just couldn’t do it.

“It’s fun,” my friend proclaimed.  “You’ll forget about the goo and the get busy raking clams out of the rocks and seaweed.”

“Now I know why I don’t care for clams,” I said. “I wondered why they had that chewy texture.”

I confess. I like a good bath or shower. Even on a backbacking trip, I plunge myself into a cool pool of water each evening.

There have been a few  times along the trail that the water has dried up. The only puddles left were foamed with bloated algae. Even after filtering and boiling the water (for drinking and cooking), it had a green tint to it.

Sometimes you have to make do with what you have.  Now that I think about it…I bet I can wade in tidal goop and rake out some clams.

Perhaps HOPE is discovering that with necessity— we can change priorities.

Cut the Cord

Scout told me that he can’t shake the feeling that he has homework to do.  One of his friends agreed. Even though school is out, there is a black cloud following them that picks at them as they relax into summer. It’ s the feeling that they have homework waiting for them.

I smiled. Welcome to the adult world where there’s always grass that needs to be cut, laundry that needs to be washed, and people that need to be called.

But they don’t have any homework, just the nagging sensation that they should, so when I heard the phrase, “Cut the cord” today, it made me think of all the situations that we need to sever and let fly away.

• Will there be enough money to pay for insurance, food, clothing, etc tomorrow?
• What about the next day? And then the next?
• What if someone in the family gets sick? Really sick?
• How can I make sure Scout has all he needs to become an outstanding young man?
• Will I be a mean old woman when I grow old, or a dottering old nutcase?

Okay…as you can see…I’m making great progress toward the nutcase end of the spectrum.

I like the image of cutting the cord and letting those worries float away. As the Bible points out…I don’t accomplish a thing by gnawing on those thoughts and roping them around me.

So I think, this week, I’ll find something to let go of each day.  Today it will be anger.

I’ll let go of the anger at the neighbor who keeps coming over and peering through my window to see if I’m home. I know she’s just lonely and wants to visit.

I’ll let go of the anger about people who stand in the middle of grocery aisles or doorways to visit. They’re probably so involved in their conversation, they don’t realize where they are.

I’ll let go of my ire about the neighbor’s dog who uses my yard as his latrine. (It’s not the dog’s fault, is it?)

Ahhhh. I like this cutting the cord stuff. I feel lighter already.

Mr. Spock Didn’t Have These Problems

I enjoyed the new Star Trek movie, nudging Scout and whispering, “It’s him!’ when the Old-Spock appeared on the screen.

The audience clapped when Leonard Nimoy’s voice intoned: “Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of……”   You know the rest.

As we left the dim theater for the bright lights of reality, it stuck me that unlike today’s citizens,  no character  in the Star Trek movies ever looks for a job.  The industrial military complex of the Starship Federation provides millions of positions throughout the universe (with no discrimination toward multiple eyes, borg-parts, or creepy rippled foreheads).

In the future, folks wear attractive uniforms, bosses are almost always fair, and careers  don’t crush your spirit. Perhaps that’s why we enjoy the movies so much. They take us away from the reality of jobs that we don’t enjoy.

The good news is that in today’s market, simply having a job is a blessing.

I interviewed a stone fabricator last week. He was excited because his company had just received an order for a new construction project.  He’s done lots of remodels lately, but this was for a new home.  “Things are starting to tick upward.” He grinned with hope.

So if you’re looking for work, it’s possible that one will open up soon. If you’re in a job that’s a stepping-stone to your dream-position, then you may be able to hop to the next step shortly.

And if you’re a Trekkie…may you find work that allows you “to go where no one has gone before.”

Perhaps, this isn't the manager to work for????

Who Said Life Wasn’t a Musical?

Check out this video and smile.

Eureaka! It Works.

Photo by Thomas Hawk

Sorry, I didn’t wear strappy heels to the Salsa experiment. I’m not sure they would have helped my appearance. There was a mirror across one side of the room. I was thinking Penelope Cruz, but I looked like Tom Cruise jumping around.

I’m not sure how the instructor was able to disconnect her spine from her lower body and move her hips like one of those wooden, jointed snakes you win at a carnival booth.

It was great fun, and like a square dance, I had to listen to the instructor’s calls and try to respond with the right moves. It wasn’t pretty, but it was a lot of exercise.

So, this week I discovered that stepping outside of my routine made a small but significant change in my brain. I experienced new sensory abilities which have become part of my brain’s vocabulary.

This experiment was started to alleviate brain drain in the hopes of sleeping better. Perhaps, if the brain isn’t bored during the day, it doesn’t try to entertain itself at night. I have been sleeping better,but my dreams are still strange…maybe even weirder (probably all those new synapses firing.)

I’ll continue to try to add new routines and different motor skill each day  because I have empirical evidence that it gives results.

How?

I remembered to tote my reusable bags into the store  today.