Bared to the Soul

I visited my mother.

On the first day, my mother didn’t know me when she saw me.

That was okay.  She’s collected a whole lot of birthdays.  She’s had a stroke. I’d prepared myself for such a possibility.

But then, sometime during the second day…she knew me.

I knew the moment it happened.

It wasn’t the “aha” moment I have with friends when I spot them in the grocery store. It was the quiet, solid locking of eyes when two people have shared the same experience. In that deep gaze, images came at me–rapid fire and plush with emotions: teenage arguments; late night talks, sewing lessons; snotty things I’d said…

In no particular order, wordless visions of our lives twined around each other as we stared.

She looked into my eyes and read the depths of my soul, asking me to understand all the words she  wasn’t  able to speak anymore.

“I know you,” was all the vocabulary she was able to say. All my courage and bravado crumbled.

I had prepared for my mother not knowing me.  I was unprepared for the depth at which she knew me.

I’m not for sure who my tears are for….her or me.

About Barb

I escaped from a hardscrabble farm in Oklahoma. I'm not sure why people think I have an accent. I miss the sunshine, but not the fried foods.
This entry was posted in Appreciation, Enough, Life, Sleepless Nights and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Bared to the Soul

  1. Lisa Nowak says:

    All I can say is “wow.”


  2. digipicsphotography says:

    Bless you and your mom.


  3. Les says:

    I know exactly how you feel, Barb. Sorta. I watched as my mom faded away from one existence, the one I knew her in from four-fifths of my life, to a mom who sort of swapped places with in the parent/child relationship. But, it’s only fair. She took care of me at the start of my life (and a lot longer) and my time finally came to do my share for her. It wasn’t easy, and was often heartbreaking, but that’s love.

    We all have the choice… connect, experience love, and open ourselves up to hurt later, or remain alone forever, never experience love, and die alone. I’ve always chosen love and always will. Hurts? Yup. Plenty of them. But I won’t die alone. Even if there’s no one with me when I do, I’ll have my memories. If I lose even these, along with the rest of my mind, well, it won’t bother me, because I won’t even be aware of my loss.

    Thank you for sharing this very tender moment. My heart goes out to you. In the end, my mom forgot my name only ONE time. I felt like it was the end of the world, but with Iris’ help, I got over it. You are certainly a stronger person for what you have experienced.

    Life springs lessons on us we don’t see coming. ~ Les


  4. Rose Lefebvre says:

    Oh, were you adding my blog to the blogroll???


  5. Rose Lefebvre says:

    Snff! Sniff! Tears welling in my eyes… touched me.


  6. Roxie says:

    She has known you for years. She’s a lucky woman.

    You take my breath away with your honesty.

    (“…plush with emotions.”) smileyface, exclamation point!


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