Increase Your Average. Plant Your Lips on It

I’ll answer the radioactive banana question at the end, but first….

Today’s little shocker is:

On average, a human will spend two weeks kissing in his/her lifetime.

This is according to Snapple who inserts such highly researched statistics under their bottle caps.

But tell, me, honestly…

when you read the factoid, did you think of the kind of lip-locking that comes from tongue-twining sexual encounters???


You should know there’s lots of other kissing going on.

Adolescent Kissing: which is more of an icebreaker. A first foray into intimacy. Anyone remember those games??  Spin the bottle. Seven minutes in heaven (or the variation: Two Minutes in the Closet)? WhooHoo!

Then there’s A Kiss of Affection: Think of those smooches you plant on top a your baby’s head. Or dear friends.  Or you mother-in-law who is finally wrapping up her visit and leaving. (More WhooHoo!)

Ritual kissing includes bride and groom during the ceremony.  Smooching the hands of royals or lip-smacking the Godfather’s ring.

Religious kissing encompasses a big category.  Planting a smooch on an icon, or the Pope’s feet is a sign of respect. It also includes holy relics and rosary beads….but not the religious leader.  (That might fall in the Romatic category)

And finally, there’s the Kiss of Friendship which has devolved into air kisses on each cheek, but in Jesus’ time, used to be a greeting. (Bad Judas. Bad)

What a great way to add more texture and depth to the characters as we write our fiction.  Have them kiss for a meaning other than the one we usually think of.

They can kiss the ground when they go to different countries (like Pope John Paul II), or the floor of the temple, or their partners footsteps.The options are many…the meanings unlimited.

And…If you think you’re falling behind the bell curve in your personal  kissing average, no sweat.  Smooch some icons. Start with the Blarney stone—it’s supposed to grant the gift of gab.


You’ll want to gab about this:

Bananas, like most organic material, naturally contain a certain amount of radioactive isotopes—even in the absence of any artificial pollution or contamination. The  BED  (Banana Equivalent Dose) only lasts a few hours or the time it takes to digest the potassium.



Go out and kiss something. You’ll feel better. Just bring the

story back and tell us.




About Barb

I escaped from a hardscrabble farm in Oklahoma. I'm not sure why people think I have an accent. I miss the sunshine, but not the fried foods.
This entry was posted in A Laugh, Choices, Life, Smiles, Worries, Writing and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Increase Your Average. Plant Your Lips on It

  1. Alice Lynn says:

    Kissing is surely one of civilization’s greatest inventions. The Eskimos are said to rub noses. My mother, born in Siberia, said the Mongolians sniffed one another’s necks. (hand me the eau de cologne) The modern lip lock can go from Blarney to French in the wink of an eye. You know the kiss in days of yore was sometimes referred to as a “buss?” That’s two ss’s and no Trimet. 🙂


  2. digipicsphotography says:

    I get plenty of kisses at work from the little elderly folks I take care of. Love being appreciated.


    • Barb says:

      Do you think the older we get, the freer we are with our kisses? What’s your observation?


      • digipicsphotography says:

        I think it’s more of a loneliness factor. Most of the residents have family that doesn’t visit very often or none at all, so they transfer that love they have bottled up to the ones who are with them the most…the staff. Sad commentary on how we treat our elderly.


        • Barb says:

          This is heart breaking. I once wrote a piece on the discomfort I felt at the rehab center. So many blank stares trying to connect me to a memory. It wasn’t long lived-but there is the pain and fear. That’ll be me someday. I’m so glad you’re so good at what you do.


  3. It was originally known as Lia Fáil or the Stone of Destiny, and legend says its mysterious powers were first revealed to the McCarthy family by a witch they had saved from drowning.

    Here is one thing all agree upon: Queen Elizabeth 1, daughter of Henry VIII, not only reigned over England, she was Queen of Ireland. “Queen Bess” decided that the Irish chiefs should agree to occupy their own lands, but occupy them under title from her. Cormac Teige McCarthy, the Lord of Blarney, received requests from her to title his land over with grace and good humor, saying he was glad to pledge his loyalty to the Queen. His letters were subtle and so well put, she finally realized that he was keeping her happy without giving in. At one point, after receiving another of his charming messages, she flung down his letter and said, “Oh! He’s just giving me a lot more blarney!!!”

    Thus did the Stone, during that time, come to signify the gift of sparkling eloquence and good luck, and skill at flattery. The term Blarney has thus come to mean ‘the ability to influence and coax with fair words and soft speech without giving offense’.

    Francis Sylvester, an Irish bard of the early nineteenth century, wrote:
    There is a stone there, that whoever kisses,
    Oh! He never misses to grow eloquent:
    ‘Tis he may clamber to a lady’s chamber,
    Or become a member of Parliament.


    • Barb says:

      How delightful, Rose. I found lots of pictures of folks kissing the stone. I asked for stories and you delivered a great one. Thanks. Now if you could find a local stone for us to kiss that would deliver superpowers or night vision, or gray-free hair. Could you work on that?


  4. Roxie says:

    I was eighteen when I kissed the Blarney stone. It’s on the underside of a wall projection about 80 feet above the ground, and in the old days would have required quite a feat of strength and courage. They now have safety gratings, a grab bar, and when I was there, a stringy old gent with a thick blanket over his legs. You lay across his lap, arched your back, and laid your lips against the same stone smooched by hundreds of thousands before you. At the time, I had strong abs and curled back upright and onto my feet before the old gent could assist. But there were geriatric paunchy gents that required all the old fellow’s considerable upper-body strength to recover their footing.

    At the last x-ray I gave the tech a kiss on the cheek because he let me see my photos. And I have always considered a kiss on the nose a joyful sign of affection.


    • Barb says:

      I think we should affectionately crown you a kissing princess because you set such a wonderful example. Perhaps smooching the Blarney stone also enhanced your lip generosity as well as your word cunning. Now the image of you prone under the stone will stick with me.


  5. Lisa Nowak says:

    I’m sure I’ve spent a year of my life just kissing my cats. Yeah, I’m a crazy cat lady. So sue me.


    • Barb says:

      Mmmm….well, that’s the same as smooching a baby’s head, except they smell different. Funny how it’s a sign of adoring affection, and politicians use it when campaigning. It sends strong messages. I’m going to use kisses more in my scenes.


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