We Take Toilet Sanitation Seriously

After reading Murrmurrs hilariously correct method to wash one’s hands and wipe one’s butt (not necessarily in that order), I feel emboldened to write about a problem that has long bothered me.

Every stall in a woman’s public restroom comes equipped with FREE onion-skin-thin paper to drape over a toilet seat. (No instructions provided)

Now, I’m rarely one to refuse a free product, but honestly: WHO USES THOSE THINGS?

And why?

Typically, I assume the worst about myself, so I figure my liberal arts education probably covered, Top 10 Butt Germs on a day I was saving mankind, or sleeping in. (One of the many gaps in my wordly knowledge)

Thank heavens for adult education, even if it comes from Google.  It seems that there are benefits for using these little oval shaped tissues

1)It saves the customer the inconvenience of jig-saw puzzling strips of paper towels or toilet paper over the seat. And what lady hasn’t walked into a stall and admired the paper collage a former customer left arranged on the toilet seat? That’s some fine art. (I don’t know if men create these mosaics) The untidiness left behind guarantees job security for another American in a minimum wage job. Gross, perhaps, but it’s important to help the economy, don’t you think?

2) It saves users from others’ germs.  Not necessarily life-threatening germs, just general butt germs. Dr. Heller, a doctor at MIT in student health, did a study and concluded: Microbiologists studying bacterial concentrations in offices found, in every case, that toilet seats were, by far, the cleanest surfaces of any sampled-a whopping 50 times cleaner than phone receivers, which were the filthiest. 

GACK! Go give the phone a rub-down with alcohol right now.  Maybe just burn it.

Of course if you’re so unfortunate to follow a “Hoverer”, you might find they’ve missed the BIG, 10-inch hole in the seat. (Please, just sit, why’don’tchoo? What are you doing? Trying to build up your quads?) Forget the paper nest-maker covers. They won’t protect you. Only DRY barriers will work. That’s why restrooms who take sanitation seriously use automatic plastic covers.  They buzz and writhe like a polyethylene snake circling the seat in between flushes. Not as artful, but pretty darn interesting to watch.

For the campers in our midst, I think the final word in throne hygiene is the Luggable Lou.  It’s a portable, personal, plastic barrier.  Haul it to any outhouse and take a load off with complete confidence your backside is covered.

This will look great beanered to my back pack on those long-haul hikes.  Now if it’ll just prevent poison oak and mosquito bites.

About Barb

I escaped from a hardscrabble farm in Oklahoma. I'm not sure why people think I have an accent. I miss the sunshine, but not the fried foods.
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15 Responses to We Take Toilet Sanitation Seriously

  1. Pingback: Three Dinkin’ Outhouses in 2000 Miles | Before Morning Breaks

  2. Pingback: Toilet Bowl Customs Vary « Before Morning Breaks

  3. Lisa Nowak says:

    Good thing I don’t ever put my butt on my cell phone. There’s no telling what I could catch.


  4. digipicsphotography says:

    You do know there are more germs in your own kitchen sink than in a bathroom.

    You can also carry those antibacterial wipes and give the seat a quick once over before sitting down. And don’t forget the handle…no telling how many germs are on it. We’re all worried about the seat and we should be worried about the handle on the toilet and the exit door of the ladies room.


    • Barb says:

      I don’t know…have you seen my kitchen? The piles of dishes get pretty germy. As long as nothing is moving, I’m okay. But thanks so much….now I get to worry about toilet and door handles.


  5. Bethiem says:

    LOL! Only you, Barb, could come up with this post. But what a useful bit of info.


  6. Les says:

    I’ve gotta say, Barb, you come up with some doozies.

    Okay, here’s a guy’s view here… I don’t sit on strange pots. I’m a “master hoverer.” Those muscles that keep my butt up in the air are probably the strongest in my body. Lid up and out of the way.

    Since we guys are mechanically able to aim, there’s no worries there. However, here’s a tip, (in case you’re like me and don’t even trust the CLEAN water in a strange commode…) drop a coupla pieces of TP in there before you go, then if you’re real productive you won’t get hit by a tidal wave on the way back up, produced by the depth charge you just released. Ever get splashed? Eww! What a nasty thought. (Once to find out was enough for me.)

    That’s it for me. I think I’ll go have a hand swipe of Germ-X.


  7. moma escriva says:

    Those covers drive me crazy. Every time I place one on the toilet seat, the damn thing falls into the toilet before I set my butt down. Now I ask you, what is it really good for?


  8. Alice Lynn says:

    Trust you to make a seldom mentioned topic funny and informative. My pet peeve is when you get the cover nicely arranged on the seat of an automatic flusher and the danged thing flushes before you’ve even gotten your pants down! Of course, the automatic version saves you from the ugly experience of walking into a stall and seeing the mess left behind by a non-flusher. I always wonder with disgust that someone could not take care of their own waste with a simple handle or button push.


  9. roxie says:

    There is a certain phobia about body lice transferral. I suppose bedbugs could be just as athletic. Ewww, now I’ve got everyone itching. If I’m going to hover, I kick the seat up and hover directly over the bowl. Otherwise, “If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be sweet and wipe the seat.”

    Those self-flushing automatic toilets? If you are facing one that hasn’t completely cleared the previous tennant’s remnents, hold your hand (or purse, or foot) so as to cover the electric eye for a slow count of ten, and then move away, and the flush should proceed briskly.

    As for the seat-covers, does the flap go to the front, or the back?


  10. Gina says:

    I never use those seat covers except they are handy when you have rushed in the stall and forgot to look if there is any tp. They are a bit rough , but hey, it works!


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