Trapping the Tooth Fairy

Ha! Years ago, we caught the ol’ gal when she smacked into a window. Shaky from a sugar high, she was lurking. Waiting to snag a loose tooth and be on her way. Instead, Dallas Cowboy Fan and I wrestled her down and cuffed her.

Don’t be surprised by her tiny-ness.  For an imp, she’s meaner than she looks. (She bites.) We threatened her with anti-sugar (string cheese sticks). She gave us a mystical smirk like a cat who knows you’re a nitwit, then she signed an agreement. Sealed it with a wet lollipop and the chorus of “Runnin’ on Empty.”  (So…that’s where Jackson Browne got the lyrics??).

Henceforth after holidays like Halloween, she’d swing by and pick up the pillowcase of sweets garnered by the trick or treaters in the house.

It’s like the buy-back program offered by car companies.  Treats = Cash.  Lots of Quality treats = Even more moola.

This isn’t really a hard choice.  By the second day after Halloween, kids are about to puke from a chemical overdose of fructose and paraffin.  They gladly sort their bags into tradeable and non-negotiable piles.

Negotiables $$$$

True to her contract, the next morning the candy was always gone and a wadded fiver was crammed under a kid’s pillow. Score! Shouts of “We’re going to gather more and really cash-in next year!” resounded through the house.

Non-Tradeable. Junkola

It was a clever plan until things changed.

Nobody at our house trick o’treats anymore. Unfortunately, the ol’ sugar bat still expects the contract to be honored. Last night I spied contrails of fairy dust through the kitchen which means she’s trying to collect those Costco truffles I’ve got stashed.

Maybe I can shoo her with a Skinny Cow? Come back in 5 months.  I’ll have some jelly beans and purple peeps I’ll be willing to trade.

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About Barb

I escaped from a hardscrabble farm in Oklahoma. I'm not sure why people think I have an accent. I miss the sunshine, but not the fried foods.
This entry was posted in A Laugh, Choices, Enough, Humor, Life, Smiles and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

26 Responses to Trapping the Tooth Fairy

  1. I’m with Spectra, I still have a huge hidden candy stash and it’s still mysteriously finding its way into my thighs. Tell that tooth fairy to fly on up here to Maine before I explode.

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  2. Orice Klaas says:

    You solved the problem of that ferocious fairy after all!

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  3. rose lefebvre says:

    Those handcuffs could come in handy when wanting to put one of the kids on restriction!!

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  4. rose lefebvre says:

    I have not seen the tooth fairy in years! Son is 25…living away. But I have a houseful of imps. One likes to hide things from me right when I need them. One puts things on the floor at night so I step on them on my way to toilet. Another hides the pens right when I need to jot something down. Then there is the really mean imp who whispers in my ear to get my brain going right when I am trying to sleep. I really hate him. I catch an occasional glimpse of them, but have yet to trap any and eject them from my abode. But one of these days…

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    • Barb says:

      Rose, I believe if you’d feed that herd of creatures imping you, you might get better treatment. Why not put out some chocolate for them. If they don’t take the bait…at least you’ve got chocolate to console yourself.

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  5. I just KNEW that Roxie would be asking about those handy handcuffs!

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    • Barb says:

      Perhaps I could make a bit of a profit, renting out those cuffs …to catch the tooth fairy, of course. They’re made out of wood. A nature protagonist like you might also like them for securing yourself to trees and other environmental objects.

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  6. Spectra says:

    This is a brilliant idea that I’m sure will inspire others. Fortunately, she does not have my address. I get to keep n’ eat all my candy, and then store it in my hips for safekeeping 😉

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    • Barb says:

      The following words are cut out of old Consumer Reports and sent to Spectra:

      Send 2 bags of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups or I’ll tell the toothfairy where you live, and you won’t even have candycanes leftover from Christmas ’09 in your pantry. BwhaaaHAaaa.
      P.S. Include some Skittles, too.

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  7. It seems that this is another fairy I would/should welcome in this house. We have quite a large number of fairies in the house anyway, so she would be with friends. Already residing here are: the where’s my fairy, for answering enquiries about lost personal possessions; the garbage fairy who is responsible for both putting out and retrieving the garbage (and recycling) bins; the washing fairy who goes on a search and destroy mission looking for soiled items to wash; and a lot of others too. So come on down tooth fairy. Room for one more…

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  8. Alice Lynn says:

    What a clever idea. Bribing the Tooth Fairy? Or does that fall under the “fair trade” agreement that floats through political circles? (No, not “fairy” trade!) 🙂 I recall when the Tooth Fairy was clued into a case of double dipping. The old girl fired off a letter to a certain young miss who had been recycling a baby tooth; putting it under her pillow at her mom’s house and again at her dad’s and getting paid at both places. (Why the tooth was never confiscated beats me.) But the letter went out demanding that the illicit gain be returned to…who else? The Tooth Fairy!

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  9. moma escriva says:

    Candy? Tooth Fairy? Money? WOW! If my kids knew they could get money from their treasured pillow sack at Halloween, they’d still be trick or treating?

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  10. Margie says:

    Are you absolutely sure you caught the Tooth Fairy? That sure isn’t the Tooth Fairy I imagined as a kid!

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  11. Roxie says:

    The Fantasy author, Terry Potter, has much the same take on the tooth fairy as you do. You both make me laugh!

    I am really interested to see that you guys have a pair of handcuffs. Why?

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