Beauty is Only Fur Deep

Pioneer Friday in Two Pan…with Changes you May not Squint at.

A few of you neighbors have commented how good I look for the hardships I’ve endured: crossing the Oregon Trail, having 6 children, outrunning wild animals, and putting up with Bricker.

Here’s 2 ways to check if your hair is tuckered from all the changes in your life.  If so, follow my beauteous secrets to middlin’ good looks.

TRAIL HAIR

1)      Pull out a strand of hair and drop it in a pie plate of water. (Remove the pie first). If the hair sinks, your tresses are dried out, sucking up water like rain on an old board.  If it floats…LaTeeDah…aren’t you special…like that Alice Woolsey who has hair curlier than a sheep.

2)      Thread a small needle with the end of a strand of hair. (Not the scalp end, silly, the thin end). Can’t do it? Either you’re blind, or the hair is dry and frayed.  Proceed to my wondrous treatments

HAIR CONDITIONING: Dip those dried out tresses in oil before laundering them every 10-14 days. Oil from olive is best, but hard to come by out here, so Roxie Poley has been selling  a product she renders from bear fat.  It works all right. Keeps the dog away from the house.

SHAMPOO: With a few changes, I use Patricia Hopkins cleansing recipe of: potash, soap, and wine heated and stirred with a stick of wood.  I alter it a bit by drinking the wine.  I use milk with a dab of honey to wash my hair. And throw the stick at the bears which keep dropping by because 7 heads of oiled hair make this place smell like a friendly lair.

RINSE: If you can spare any apple cider vinegar from your pickling, add some to your rinse water for a good shine.  Dunking your head directly in an ice cold stream will do the same thing.  Put a few drops of vinegar in your ears to take care of the ear infection caused by dipping your head in the stream.

FINISH:  If you were born with hair that coils like a snake, then drop to your knees and give your Creator praise.  The rest of us use a curling iron. Stick it in a lamp chimney for a minute, then wind a strand of hair around it. Try not to burn your hair off.  (May smoke a little.)

BETWEEN WASHINGS:  Wrap your hair around your fist, to make a bun. Tuck the whole rigamarole along with loose ends up under a bonnet which will protect your locks from dust, rain frizzies, and can be waved at bears so you’ll look bigger as you run.