It’s Pioneer Friday, and some folks are SCOWLING at the latest change.
Opal’s Palace for sporting women opened its brass-plated doors this Friday, December 1, 1870. Construction had begun months ago with granite quarried from Huber’s. However, masons recently stopped, and the building was quickly completed in milled timber.
Big Opal throwing a Hissing Fit
“Big Opal came here with two of her girls,” William Farlick, Lumber Mill owner in Enterprise reported. “She was mad enough to drown puppies because the Salt Lick Saloon had opened right across the street before she could get her parlor operating. She demanded four wagon-loads of board immediately, using befouled words and whacking my desk with her parasol. ‘Impossible, Madam!’ I told her, but she sent her girls (who are considerably better looking than Big Opal) out to talk to the boys running the saws and planers. She got what she wanted in two days. Even men who had put in orders before hers didn’t complain,” Mr. Farlick said.
Big Opal’s business operations have been known, but not conspicuously noticeable for the past 18 months, Most folks looked askance at her line of four cat wagons parked near the gold claims in order to mine the miners before they came to town for supplies. With the announcement of a rail line passing through Two Pan, she began construction of her two-story establishment. “The town will grow and Opal’s Palace will encourage many a visitor to get off the train and stay a while,” she told the newspaper. Rafter and beams were flurred into place quickly after the opening of the saloon.
A coach full of Opal’s girls have been rolling through the countryside this past week, passing out the following Grand Opening announcements and showing off their ample smiles.
Opal’s Palace
- 7 Elegant Parisian Girls; Rounder, rosier, and more beautiful than you have ever seen
- They’ll move you through the mazy movements of the Waltz in such refreshing steps, you won’t “care a cent whether school keeps or lets out.” *
- Enjoy the clink of silver on four Tables of Chance
- Whiskey of Excellence
- Plush décor with chandelier.
Silky Sue, owner of the Salt Lick Saloon, rolled her eyes when asked about the new parlor. “The closest Opal’s gals have been to Paris is St. Louis. They look like barrels on pegs, and the only French they know is oui, oui. Their hooch tastes like kerosene. And the chandelier is a glass wind chime. That sow’s ear is trying to knit a silk purse.”
In added conflict, the homesteading women of the valley have not been pleased. “Flaunting such debauchery is intolerable. We were planning on building a school here soon,” Patricia Woolsey said.
“And I don’t appreciate any of my business with my husband being diverted,” Alice Hopkins added before she could blink and blush. “We’re going to do something about this,” she mumbled. “You wait and see.”
(* description taken from : *from Baumler, The Tales of Dumas Parlor House.)
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This is a great post. Loved it.
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Thanks. And thanks for stopping by. I gave up bread for a day or two after doing the research on threshing wheat…then reminded myself our gleaning process is a bit cleaner. Just bugs legs I think.
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Dan was wound up wasn’t he? I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a long comment. Wow! I almost forgot the main reason for commenting today as I have given you an award – the Versatile Blogger Award. I wish I had a Versatile Commenter Award to give to Dan who obviously put a lot of thought into that one. Oh well, next time. Congratulations!
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Dan is one of the funniest guys I know. You can see why. I went over to his post and dropped off THE LONGEST BLOG REPLY IN THE WORLD award.
Best read with a beverage.
Thanks for the honor from such a Versatile Blogger as yourself.
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Love the humor and fun vibe of your writing. Makes me say, ” that is one great post!” everyday, I learn new things and I’m glad your blog is one of them. Stay blessed and Happy Holidays!
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Thank you. That’s very high praise coming from such a wonderful writer and as yourself. I enjoy reading about your discoveries.
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BTW: “That sow’s ear is trying to knit a silk purse.” is priceless!!!
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Thanks, Beth. It’s on my visa card.
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So that’s what those red “Christmas” lights are for. I wondered.
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Gee, that Silky Sue must be a relative of yours as there is quite the resemblance! *wink wink*
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Barb I collect phrases I use in my writing. These would go with your pioneer theme. I’m sure you’ve heard some of them. Thought I’d share some.
Don’t look through the screen door, you’ll strain your eyes
Handy as a pocket on underwear.
That fits like gloves on a rooster.
That dog won’t hunt.
A whistling woman and a crowing hen never comes to a very good end. (be who you are)
Ain’t that the berries! (that is great!)
As easy as sliding off a greasy log backward. (very easy)
Busy as a stump-tailed cow in fly time. (very busy)
Chugged full. (full and over-flowing)
Do go on. (you must be joking)
Don’t let the tail wag the dog. (the cheif is in charge, not the Indians)
Either fish or cut bait. (work or make way for those who will)
Even a blind hog finds an acorn now and then. (everyone is sometimes lucky)
Every dog should have a few fleas. (no one is perfect)
Give down the country. (give someone a piece of your mind)
I do declare. (usually means nothing)
In high cotton. (rising up in society)
Scarce as hen’s teeth. (no such thing)
Sun don’t shine on the same dog’s tail all the time. (you’ll get what you deserve)
BIGGITY- vain and overbearing
BITTY BIT- a small amount
CLODHOPPER- heavy work shoes or large shoes
DIRECTLY- in a little while, or a couple of weeks
Well, tie me to a pig and roll me in mud.
So buck toothed he could eat corn on the cob through a key hole.
So ugly she/he’d run dog off a meat wagon
Sorry as a two dollar watch.
Limp as a dishrag.
Rough as a cob.
He’d gripe with a ham under each arm.
You look as happy as a dead pig in the sunshine
flatter than a gander’s arch,
I had to go around my elbow to get to my thumb’ — (when forced to do something that is simple, the hard way).”
He’s about as handy as a back pocket on a shirt.
That’s about as useful as a trap door on a canoe.
He couldn’t carry a tune if he had a bucket with a lid on it.
She was so tall she could hunt geese with a rake.
She was so tall if she fell down she would be halfway home.
He was so fat it was easier to go over top of him than around him.
It happened faster than a knife fight in a phone booth.
faster than a bell clapper in a goose’s ass (very fast; I never understood this one, but it was my aunt’s favorite.)
Gad night a livin’ (good grief!)
higher than a Georgia pine (drunk)
I’m fixin’ to go down the road a piece (I’m going down the road for a short distance.)
Well, I’ll just swaney! (Well, I’ll be darned.)
“I’ll jerk a knot in your tail!”
Crooked – (catawampus) – “That wall is all catawampus.”
A lot – “She’s got more nerve than Carter’s got Liver Pills.”
I feel like the last pea at pea-time. (sad or lonely)
He wouldn’t pay a dime to see a pissant pull a freight train. (miserly)
He’d have to stand up twice to cast a shadow. (very thin)
She’d complain if Jesus Christ came down and handed her a $5 bill. (said of the person who is never happy or satisfied)
We better git on the stick! (We better get started.)
I’ll knock you so hard you’ll see tomorrow today. (You’re gonna get it!
Dumb as a bucket of rocks. (Pretty dumb)
“I’ll knock you in the head and tell God you died of the itch.”
Well, if that don’t put pepper in the gumbo!
He could tear up a railroad track with a rubber hammer.
You must of spit that baby.
“You better straighten up and fly right or I’ll knock your teeth down your throat and you’ll spit ’em out in single file.”
“I don’t know whether to scratch my watch or wind my butt.”
‘I’m feeling as low as a toad in a dry well.’ ”
“Baptists never make love standing up. They’re afraid someone might see them and think they’re dancing!”
“Well, ain’t he just the tom-cat’s kitten?”
If you get strangled: “I swalla’d down my Sun’de (Sunday) throat.”
If a skirt is riding up or too short: “Law, pull that down–we kin see plumb to the Promised Land!”
Or in the same line: “Wash down as far as Possible, wash up as far as Possible, then wash Possible.” (referring to a sponge bath)
When you are clumsy: “I swaney, Mama shoulda named me Grace”
If someone is havin’ a temper tantrum (hissy fit) unjustly : “Well, he’s got the same britches to get glad in!”
–If someone was in a bad mood and Mama was tired of it: “Get your butt off your shoulders!” “Sheeew, its cold enough to hang meat in here!”
“I’ll hit you in the Adam’s apple so hard you’ll be spitting cider for a week.”
“Well, I’m sweating like a prostitute in church.”
“If she were an inch taller she’d be round.”
“I’m sober as a Mormon preacher on Sunday morning.”
“He traveled a minute in thirty seconds.”
“Swingin’ my legs from a dime” — meaning that I said or did something that I was ashamed of; or to feel little. Happy as a clam at high tide
Nervous as a longtailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs
Nervous as a hound pissing peach pits
Cold as a well-digger’s ass in January A face like a bulldog licking catpiss off a stinging nettle.
(Expressing extreme distaste)”Like a dose of salts through a widow woman.” Epsom salts
A face like a robber’s dog. (Expressing aggression)She could ruin a two-car funeral.
As much use as a catflap in a
“That youngin is as wild as a junebug on a string.”
“Happier than ol’ Blue layin on the porch chewin on a big ol’ caitfish head”
“I feel like I been ‘et by a wolf and sh** over a cliff”
“Grinnin like a possum eatin a sweet tater”
‘If I tell you that rooster dips snuff, you better check under his wing for the can.'”
crazier ‘n a stomped on pissant.”
“If brains was grease, he couldn’t slick the head of a pin.”
“Bout as useful as a screendoor on a submarine”
“That man ain’t got the decency to die.”
Don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s rainin’! (Don’t lie to me.)
Well, slap my head and call me silly! (Well, I’ll be damned!)
If leather were brains, he wouldn’t have enough to saddle a junebug.
He’s so dumb, he could throw himself on the ground and miss.
She’s so pretty she could make a hound dog smile.
You’ll go to hell for lyin’ just as fast as fer stealin’ chickens.
He was as mad as a mule chewin’ on bumblebees!
You’re lyin’ like a no-legged dog!
. That’s more exciting than snuff and not near as dusty.
2. He’s shakin like a hound dog shittin peach pits. “It’s cold enough to freeze the balls off a pool table”
Is a pig’s rump made of pork?
You can’t tell nobody nothing that aint ever been nowhere !
You don’t know dip sh** from apple butter!
Me-n-you are gonna mix. (Get into a ruckus.)
It’s hotter than two rabbits screwin’ in a wool sock!
You’re acting crazier than a sprayed roach!
She can’t help that she’s ugly, but she could’ve stayed home! looked like “DEATH SUCKING A SPONGE.”
Deep in the South where sushi is still called bait.
“You’re gonna have old and new-monia dressed like that!”
“Won’t hit a lick at a snake” = Lazy
“Burr in your saddle” = Angry
“You better give your heart to Jesus, ’cause your butt is mine.” = The fight is on!
“Hotter than blue blazes” = one step below “hotter than hell”
“Duck Fit” = one step above a “hissy fit”
“Dying Duck Fit” = one step above a “duck fit”
“Knickers in a knot” =
“I’m hotter than a four-peckered billy goat.”
“I’m so hungry I could eat the a** end out of a rag doll.”
“I’m so hungry I could eat the north end of a south-bound goat.”
“I’m sweatin’ like a pregnant nun.”
“I feel like 10 pounds of sh*t in a five pound sack.”
Greedy/Gluttonous: “Pigs get fed and hogs get eaten!”
She would complain if she were hung with a new rope.
“I’ll slap you to sleep, then slap you for sleepin.”
Barking dogs and Whistling Women come to no good end!”
“That would make a bishop mad enough to kick in stained-glass windows.”
my short skirt: “Lawd, Donna, people will be able to see to Christmas!”
So ugly she’d make a freight train take a dirt road.
being busy: “I been running all over hell’s half acre.”
trust: “He’s a snake in the grass.”
kiss my go-to-hell…
looks: “She’s as ugly as homemade soap” — or “She’s as ugly as a bowling shoe.”
‘At boy’s slower than a bread wagon with biscuit wheels.”
small:
“There wasn’t enough room to swing a cat by its tail.”
I’ll be on that like a duck on a June-bug.”
thin: “She’s so skinny, if she stood sideways and stuck out her tongue she’d look like a zipper.”
He’s running around like a blind dog in a meat house.
“(__________) could fall into a barrel of sh** and come out smelling like a rose; me, I could fall into a barrel of titties and come out sucking my thumb.” (Obviously someone who has no luck at all.)
“I’ll whup you so bad you’ll hollar ‘ya’ll stop’ and it’ll be just me.”
“Keep it up and I’ll cancel your birth certificate.” (kill ya)
“He’s as happy as if he had good sense.”
“It’s colder than a well digger’s butt in the winter.” ‘Ain’t nobody gonna mess on me and call it apple butter!'”
“It’s hotter than a billy goat in a pepper patch.”
That was faster than green grass
through a goose.
I’m finer than frog hair split four ways.
“A wet dog in the house ain’t the only way to tell it’s raining”
Referring to a rainstorm: “That was a frog-strangler.”
Even a spotted pig looks black at night. (Things will look better in the morning.)
Meaner than a sack full of rattlesnakes.
Don’t look through the screen door, you’ll strain your eyes
Handy as a pocket on underwear.
That fits like gloves on a rooster.
That dog won’t hunt.
A whistling woman and a crowing hen never comes to a very good end. (be who you are)
Ain’t that the berries! (that is great!)
As easy as sliding off a greasy log backward. (very easy)
Busy as a stump-tailed cow in fly time. (very busy)
Chugged full. (full and over-flowing)
Do go on. (you must be joking)
Don’t let the tail wag the dog. (the cheif is in charge, not the Indians)
Either fish or cut bait. (work or make way for those who will)
Even a blind hog finds an acorn now and then. (everyone is sometimes lucky)
Every dog should have a few feas. (no one is perfect)
Give down the country. (give someone a peice of your mind)
I do declare. (usually means nothing)
In high cotton. (rising up in society)
Scarce as hen’s teeth. (no such thing)
Sun don’t shine on the same dog’s tail all the time. (you’ll get what you deserve)
BIGGITY- vain and overbearing
BITTY BIT- a small amount
CLODHOPPER- heavy work shoes or large shoes
DIRECTLY- in a little while, or a couple of weeks
Well, tie me to a pig and roll me in mud.
So buck toothed he could eat corn on the cob through a key hole.
So ugly she/he’d run dog off a meat wagon
Sorry as a two dollar watch.
Limp as a dishrag.
Rough as a cob.
He’d gripe with a ham under each arm.
You look as happy as a dead pig in the sunshine
flatter than a gander’s arch,
I had to go around my elbow to get to my thumb’ — (when forced to do something that is simple, the hard way).”
He’s about as handy as a back pocket on a shirt.
That’s about as useful as a trap door on a canoe.
He couldn’t carry a tune if he had a bucket with a lid on it.
She was so tall she could hunt geese with a rake.
She was so tall if she fell down she would be halfway home.
He was so fat it was easier to go over top of him than around him.
It happened faster than a knife fight in a phone booth.
faster than a bell clapper in a goose’s ass (very fast; I never understood this one, but it was my aunt’s favorite.)
Gad night a livin’ (good grief!)
higher than a Georgia pine (drunk)
I’m fixin’ to go down the road a piece (I’m going down the road for a short distance.)
Well, I’ll just swaney! (Well, I’ll be darned.)
“I’ll jerk a knot in your tail!”
Crooked – (catawampus) – “That wall is all catawampus.”
A lot – “She’s got more nerve than Carter’s got Liver Pills.”
I feel like the last pea at pea-time. (sad or lonely)
He wouldn’t pay a dime to see a pissant pull a freight train. (miserly)
He’d have to stand up twice to cast a shadow. (very thin)
She’d complain if Jesus Christ came down and handed her a $5 bill. (said of the person who is never happy or satisfied)
We better git on the stick! (We better get started.)
I’ll knock you so hard you’ll see tomorrow today. (You’re gonna get it!
Dumb as a bucket of rocks. (Pretty dumb)
“I’ll knock you in the head and tell God you died of the itch.”
Well, if that don’t put pepper in the gumbo!
He could tear up a railroad track with a rubber hammer.
You must of spit that baby.
“You better straighten up and fly right or I’ll knock your teeth down your throat and you’ll spit ’em out in single file.”
“I don’t know whether to scratch my watch or wind my butt.”
‘I’m feeling as low as a toad in a dry well.’ ”
“Baptists never make love standing up. They’re afraid someone might see them and think they’re dancing!”
“Well, ain’t he just the tom-cat’s kitten?”
If you get strangled: “I swalla’d down my Sun’de (Sunday) throat.”
If a skirt is riding up or too short: “Law, pull that down–we kin see plumb to the Promised Land!”
Or in the same line: “Wash down as far as Possible, wash up as far as Possible, then wash Possible.” (referring to a sponge bath)
When you are clumsy: “I swaney, Mama shoulda named me Grace”
If someone is havin’ a temper tantrum (hissy fit) unjustly : “Well, he’s got the same britches to get glad in!”
–If someone was in a bad mood and Mama was tired of it: “Get your butt off your shoulders!” “Sheeew, its cold enough to hang meat in here!”
“I’ll hit you in the Adam’s apple so hard you’ll be spitting cider for a week.”
“Well, I’m sweating like a prostitute in church.”
“If she were an inch taller she’d be round.”
“I’m sober as a Mormon preacher on Sunday morning.”
“He traveled a minute in thirty seconds.”
“Swingin’ my legs from a dime” — meaning that I said or did something that I was ashamed of; or to feel little. Happy as a clam at high tide
Nervous as a longtailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs
Nervous as a hound pissing peach pits
Cold as a well-digger’s ass in January A face like a bulldog licking catpiss off a stinging nettle.
(Expressing extreme distaste)”Like a dose of salts through a widow woman.” Epsom salts
A face like a robber’s dog. (Expressing aggression)She could ruin a two-car funeral.
As much use as a catflap in a
“That youngin is as wild as a junebug on a string.”
“Happier than ol’ Blue layin on the porch chewin on a big ol’ caitfish head”
“I feel like I been ‘et by a wolf and sh** over a cliff”
“Grinnin like a possum eatin a sweet tater”
‘If I tell you that rooster dips snuff, you better check under his wing for the can.'”
crazier ‘n a stomped on pissant.”
“If brains was grease, he couldn’t slick the head of a pin.”
“Bout as useful as a screendoor on a submarine”
“That man ain’t got the decency to die.”
Don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s rainin’! (Don’t lie to me.)
Well, slap my head and call me silly! (Well, I’ll be damned!)
If leather were brains, he wouldn’t have enough to saddle a junebug.
He’s so dumb, he could throw himself on the ground and miss.
She’s so pretty she could make a hound dog smile.
You’ll go to hell for lyin’ just as fast as fer stealin’ chickens.
He was as mad as a mule chewin’ on bumblebees!
You’re lyin’ like a no-legged dog!
. That’s more exciting than snuff and not near as dusty.
2. He’s shakin like a hound dog shittin peach pits. “It’s cold enough to freeze the balls off a pool table”
Is a pig’s rump made of pork?
You can’t tell nobody nothing that aint ever been nowhere !
You don’t know dip sh** from apple butter!
Me-n-you are gonna mix. (Get into a ruckus.)
It’s hotter than two rabbits screwin’ in a wool sock!
You’re acting crazier than a sprayed roach!
She can’t help that she’s ugly, but she could’ve stayed home! looked like “DEATH SUCKING A SPONGE.”
Deep in the South where sushi is still called bait.
“You’re gonna have old and new-monia dressed like that!”
“Won’t hit a lick at a snake” = Lazy
“Burr in your saddle” = Angry
“You better give your heart to Jesus, ’cause your butt is mine.” = The fight is on!
“Hotter than blue blazes” = one step below “hotter than hell”
“Duck Fit” = one step above a “hissy fit”
“Dying Duck Fit” = one step above a “duck fit”
“Knickers in a knot” =
“I’m hotter than a four-peckered billy goat.”
“I’m so hungry I could eat the a** end out of a rag doll.”
“I’m so hungry I could eat the north end of a south-bound goat.”
“I’m sweatin’ like a pregnant nun.”
“I feel like 10 pounds of sh*t in a five pound sack.”
Greedy/Gluttonous: “Pigs get fed and hogs get eaten!”
She would complain if she were hung with a new rope.
“I’ll slap you to sleep, then slap you for sleepin.”
Barking dogs and Whistling Women come to no good end!”
“That would make a bishop mad enough to kick in stained-glass windows.”
my short skirt: “Lawd, Donna, people will be able to see to Christmas!”
So ugly she’d make a freight train take a dirt road.
being busy: “I been running all over hell’s half acre.”
trust: “He’s a snake in the grass.”
kiss my go-to-hell…
looks: “She’s as ugly as homemade soap” — or “She’s as ugly as a bowling shoe.”
‘At boy’s slower than a bread wagon with biscuit wheels.”
small:
“There wasn’t enough room to swing a cat by its tail.”
I’ll be on that like a duck on a June-bug.”
thin: “She’s so skinny, if she stood sideways and stuck out her tongue she’d look like a zipper.”
He’s running around like a blind dog in a meat house.
“(__________) could fall into a barrel of sh** and come out smelling like a rose; me, I could fall into a barrel of titties and come out sucking my thumb.” (Obviously someone who has no luck at all.)
“I’ll whup you so bad you’ll hollar ‘ya’ll stop’ and it’ll be just me.”
“Keep it up and I’ll cancel your birth certificate.” (kill ya)
“He’s as happy as if he had good sense.”
“It’s colder than a well digger’s butt in the winter.” ‘Ain’t nobody gonna mess on me and call it apple butter!'”
“It’s hotter than a billy goat in a pepper patch.”
That was faster than green grass
through a goose.
I’m finer than frog hair split four ways.
“A wet dog in the house ain’t the only way to tell it’s raining”
Referring to a rainstorm: “That was a frog-strangler.”
Even a spotted pig looks black at night. (Things will look better in the morning.)
Meaner than a sack full of rattlesnakes.
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Hokey smokes, Dan. Thanks. That’s 11 pages of sayings. I’ll be able to write blogs until 2028 with these. I’m going to a number of fancy Christmas parties, I’m sure these will impess everyone. Thanks again.
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Hey Look!! You can control snow by moving your cursor to one side of the screen then the other. WhooPee!!!!
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Silky Barb, you really are a frustrated thespian. You take it the whole way…you also write your scripts! Very talented lady…in many ways. (Couldn’t resist! 😀 )
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Thanks for joining us. Now….if I could just find a venue for a WonderWoman costume….
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Big Opal is clearly a hardened professional. I am reminded of the movie, “Judge Roy Bean” where he is apologizing to the wives of his buddies and said, “Ladies,your husbands tell me that you are upset that I called you whores. You’ll notice that I did not call you callus-assed, teak- hearted, gold-digging harlots, but I did call you whores, and for that I apologize.”
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Roxie, only you could remember that line. Bravo. I’ll remember to put in into Big Opal’s job description. Thanks
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I love Miss Opal’s hissy fit. I am going to practise that one in the mirror till I get it right – or the mirror cracks.
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I believe the only way you can perfect Opal’s demeanor and good looks is by packing 40 years of hard living into 25. Save some of those beautiful feathers you have in your backyard for hair accoutrements.
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Silky Sue, you are a sight to behold. A hellufa lot purrrrtier than Opal, if I do say myself!
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It’s the beer. It acts as a preservative.
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Barb, aka Silky? What a hoot! The photo of Big Opal having a hissy fit is priceless. Way to go!
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I had to use a log of hair product to get Big Opals hair like that
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That Opal pic is creepy, truly creepy. I can hear her hissing right this very minute. Margie
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I think Big Opal was in the cat wagons too long. Wait and see what she’s got up her garters.
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On a family vacation to CO I remember we stopped in Central City, a real blast to the past. My younger brother got lost for hours. My parents were beside themselves and I remember the fear that set in. Some state troopers found him at the local saloon drinking root beer tended to by the wings of Miss Dove. Just her name denotes all her qualities. True family story. Very happy ending.
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I love it. There’s a heart in those gals. thanks for sharing.
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Fun glimpse at the past. You do a great job of “taking us there.” Thank you, ma’am. Yesterday, I was doing research for next Friday’s post, and discovered the origin of the term “red light district.” It comes from Dodge City, KS, and the Red Light Bordello. The brothel’s front door was made of red glass, so when the interior was lit at night, it emanated a distinctive red glow to the outside. In due course, the whole brothel district became known as the red light district. Pretty cool, huh?
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Yes, Fascinating.
In “Those Naughty Ladies of the Old Northwest”, authors Gary and Gloria Meier attribute the red light to the lanterns’ train conductors hung by the brothel doors when the train made a quick stop and a bordello was close to the tracks. I like the “glow” of your explanation better and look forward to reading the post. (Makes me feel sheepish about putting red Christmas lights on my door)
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