Before Morning Breaks: Floozys on Main Street

January 6, 1871                          Honorary Editor: Dangling Participle Lichen

Patricia Woolsey fights for culture, a 6th grade eduation, and keeping your pants buttoned.

Last’s week’s horse race down Main Street by gauzily clad ladies of negotiable virtue set off a roaring firestorm.Prairie mesdames Patricia Woolsey and Alice Hopkins began a campaign to remove the “underbelly of indecency from our small settlement.”

Darn It, Roxie, You've always been ahead of your time.

Holding wooden signs, the women marched in front of both the Salt Lick Saloon and Opal’s Palace. “But the signs were too dang heavy,” said Roxie Poley. “So we leaned them against the building and  just strolled around in front of the doors, trying to peek inside.”

Sugar Cherie, one of the “flowers of the night”, hung out of the second floor window of the bordello and poured a bucket of water on the women, ending the first day’s siege.

Photograph taken before Alice Hopkins got drenched. Who knew she could speak like a mule skinner when wet?

It was several days before the women returned. Fired up by traveling preacher, Vig Noyes, the  settler women, who call themselves The Daughters of Two Pan, yelled and shook fists at any man trying to enter the establishments.

Despite the rain/sleet, the Daughters continued to beleaguer the doors to both the saloon and the bordello across the street.  Silky Sue, saloon owner, sent hot coffee out to the ladies. Half accepted it. While warming themselves with beverage and giving this interview, two intrepid miners approached the brothel, spat a chaw of tobacco at the women’s feet,  and offered “the tall loose-footed one” $1 for a roll in one of Opal’s beds.

“I hit him so hard, his eyes wove a nice little braid, criss-crossing back and forth.” said Roxie Poley.

At this point, Big Opal herself stepped outside of her building and discharged a shotgun over the women’s heads.

“This is a heinous crudity.” Mrs. Woolsey told the Two Pan Tattler as she ducked. “Every woman of the valley, except Violet Spinrad, is here supporting these hussies’ removal.” Mrs. Woolsey gave an aggravated sniff when asked why Mrs. Spinrad hadn’t joined the cause.

Aunt Tilly gets confused. (What do you expect when she looks like a guy? And no, he doesn't know. Don't any of you tell "Aunt Tilly" either.)

Big Opal has another hissy fit.

At that point  a protest sign, next to the women,  splintered to pieces as Big Opal reloaded her shotgun.

The Daughters ran followed by Big Opal’s bellowed curses which are too loutish even for this tatty newspaper to print.

(Thanks volunteers for joining against Prairie Indecency. Let me give you a shout out for your good-natured, unknowing participation.)

Roxie: http://sannasbag.blogspot.com/

Alice:  http://alicelynn.wordpress.com/

Honorary Editor: Pat (for finding the dangling participle

in the last edition) http://www.patriciaklichen.com/