Where Is the CookBook?

“Where in the hell is the Cookbook of Horrors?  That’s what I came here for.  What kind of bait shop are you runnin’, Barb?”

Hey…I’m lookin’for it, too, and I run the joint, so don’t give me any crap…uhmmmm…er….I mean….

I’m sorry for the inconvenience. Due to technical difficulties in which my head seems to be stuck ….let’s say…in a badger hole…the file for the Cookbook of Horrors did not get uploaded and….

(Bum…Bum….BUM)  It’s MISSING!


Have a snack while you wait. The bowl is made out of pencils so you might get lead poisoning. (That’s a food horror isn’t it?). Okay, okay…I’m going to interview my staff about it.

Listen, Hip Mr. Pastry Flour…what happened to the Cookbook post?


What do you mean….”Your smart phone ate it?” Bull Hockey.  Maybe you shouldn’t have a phone that’s smarter than you if you don’t know how to use it. Why did the digital banner post?

Mr. Turkey Vulture was practicing HTML code magic and hasn’t quite got the hang of it?  Shitake Mushrooms!! If I ever find that Cookbook, you’re one of the first ingredients to be used.

What’s your excuse, Birdbrain?

What do you mean…”it’s corrupted?”  Are you sure you didn’t accidentally erase the file along with the one zillion comments that are flooding the inbox from every winkin’ wonkin’ blogger in the Universe?

Oh…I see…maybe in a frenzied fit of learning to format, you scratched a talon across the delete file, and loaded up a blank post. No….we can’t feature “Bone Soup” again and call it good. 

We owe these folks some full color horror cuisine.

So let me get this straight…not only do we have to start over on the cookbook file….we  had a flashy banner giving folks epileptic seizures for a Souvenir Shop that hasn’t debuted yet?

Crappity-Dap.  We’re gonna need damage control for this one….Ahem……

Dear Readers…my sincerest apologies for giving you blank pages to read.  Although it was an improvement on my usual writing and turned into a  short read, I’m sorry to have wasted your time and a computer click.

I’ll be hard at work, reconstructing foods that fall under the category…”The Worst Dishes I’ve Ever Made,” and I regret that the Cookbook of Horrors won’t be available for Mother’s Day Gift giving.

Good, George, we can leave. I don’t need another damn cookbook anyway.

Please forgive the confusion. May you have a delightful Mom’s Day

…and I hope you won’t be cooking.



About Barb

I escaped from a hardscrabble farm in Oklahoma. I'm not sure why people think I have an accent. I miss the sunshine, but not the fried foods.
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42 Responses to Where Is the CookBook?

  1. Pingback: Septic Tanks for Dogs and Other Things I Didn’t Know I Should Be Grateful For | Before Morning Breaks

  2. mj monaghan says:

    Hmm, I’ve never had the issue of losing a file, forgetting something, or any computer issues.

    Oh yeah, and I’m a great cook, master woodworker, and world chess champion. Did I forget to mention that? 😉


  3. I like Georgette’s comment for bone soup. Never waste an opportunity to cook something up – we can all bring a veg to the pot.


    • Barb says:

      Now see…that’s the sign of a true cook. Me? I’m always looking for a way to get out of cooking. Serving unappetizing dishes hasn’t worked, however I think it has bolstered my family’s immune system.


  4. Red says:

    I hope you had a lovely Mother’s Day. I had this open to come here last night before I ran slap out of gas, but alas, I retired early. Apparently, my Mother’s Day nap was not long enough. I absolutely NEED the exploding smiley. Please do email him to me!

    As to the unclick thing for WP, I did not read through all of the comments, but if you have not figured out how to turn. Cannot do the extra 5,000 emails it generates. So glad I was immune to that.

    Meanwhile, looking forward to your cookbook, should you decide to accept the challenge of recreating it.


    PS I have a grand recipe for that delicious-looking anemone in your post. Mmmm.


  5. curm says:

    happy mother’s day. I think I gave you permission on my blog. I wish I could fork over the boss’s cookbook. I’m sure someone loves it. I hate cumin, cardamon, bay ginger and weird spices except for curry. There wouldn’t be much weeping or tearing of hair if it was lost and maybe the rats would come back.


  6. JustI says:

    I went to the Souvenir Shop and didn’t even get a T-shirt! But, I love the post!


  7. Rose L says:

    I think some other readers got stuck on the previous page. Happy Mothers day.


    • Barb says:

      Yeah, thanks, Rose. It’s terrible to get stuck in a white out. err.no…that’s skiing.I mean to draw a blank page…no…that art talk. What I mean is to stare at the words, but nothing’s there. Yeah, that works for WordPress.


  8. I loved this one, especially after your note about all the tech challenges. Many good laughs all the way through. I’ll take the Bone Soup recipe if you can’t get into the Souvenir Shop.


    • Barb says:

      Well…first you start with roadkill. Being a Texas gal…I’m sure you have plenty of armadillo grease spots on your local highway. Then boil it in a gallon of beer for an hour. Toss the cooked ‘dillo to the buzzards and drink the beer. If you’re rowdy, you’ll want to add firearms and hot sauce in whatever manner that seems appropriate.


      • Yeow! Love hot sauce. That should do it. We’ve moved into town where dillos aren’t too plentiful. Squirrels are abundant. My husband would like an excuse to run over a few.


  9. El Guapo says:

    An excellent save. And from what you’ve described, perhaps losing the cookbook was safer for all!
    Happy Mothers Day, and have a great weekend, Barb.


  10. You my dear, are a trip! Happy Mother’s Day! Margie


    • Barb says:

      Yes, I’ve been doing a lot of tripping up lately. You’d think I’d notice before going cyber-wide with it. Thanks for the forgiveness and Happy Mother’s Day right back atcha.


  11. souldipper says:

    I knew it! We’ve been taken over! Glad to see you can make lemonade out of… bone soup? 😀


    • Barb says:

      Heavens! Lemonade-bone soup sounds just like something I’d make. It’s main ingredient is smelling something weeks old in the refrigerator and saying, “If I boil this long enough, I think it’ll be okay.”


  12. Elephant's Child says:

    I missed it too. And I am grateful. If I thought there was a new post from you and found nothing, my mood would have gone to the dark side immediately. Since I still have a rotten convalescent on my hands that would have been truly dangerous.
    And a large part of me is grateful that the Cookbook of horrors is hidden. I may have been tempted to cook meals for said rotten convalescent (r.c.). Probably not the right thing to do. Tempting, but not right.


    • Barb says:

      Well, you can go check out the post. I left it as an obnoxious scar to remind me to engage my Sears brain before hitting the “Publish” button.


  13. Dor says:

    Excuses, Excuses! The phone at it? Actually, I love this post better than any cookbook. 🙂


  14. magsx2 says:

    Well mystery solved your phone ate your cookbook. 😆

    With all the e-mails you are getting, even if you forget to untick Notify me of follow-up comments, you can still stop the e-mails.
    Go to the WP reader, on the left you will see Edit list, click onto that, and along the top of the page you will see:
    Get new posts by email – Get comments by email
    Untick every box under Get comments by email and all the emails will stop. 😀


    • Barb says:

      Ha. Ha. You are as funny as those Irishmen you always have walking into a bar to spout off jokes. (which I enjoy, by the way). If I can’t even remember to put words in the “Post” area, don’t you think I’m too addled to edit my comments list? No telling what kind of damage I’d do back in the guts of my WordPress account.
      Honestly, MX2, thanks for the info. I’ve been to that page a lot lately. It seems that as soon as I hit “Post” on a comment….THEN I remember I should have unchecked the box. I guess I should run around the blogosphere making comments, and then at the close of the evening go to my account and wipe out everything.
      Curse you WordPress!!!


  15. momaescriva says:

    Bubble bubble toil and trouble. I thought the witches grabbed you and threw into the hot cauldron while checking the ingredients on how hot to boil a writer.


  16. HA! Maybe that’s why I don’t want a cellphone, huh? Can’t have a gadget that’s smarter than I am. (The remote control may be on borrowed time, toio.) Thanks for the chuckles, and a very Happy Mother’s Day to you and all the other ladies out there.


    • Barb says:

      Hey Susan, my phone is so smart, it often plays like it’s not with me when we’re in public.
      Of course, the TV remote hides from me. None of my electronics like me…except maybe the vacuum cleaner. Lucky me.


  17. Spectra says:

    Maybe you shouldn’t have a phone that’s smarter than you – heh heh heh. SO true. Well, looks like I missed the whole debacle with the missing post, so I am spared any misery you may have caused. Thank God. I can’t abide any more – I still have sticking computer keys from where my dove decided to take her morning dump on my keyboard. blech.


  18. No worries. Please no stress. It looks like you’ve landed with your fingers on the keys again.haha Bone Soup courtesy of the No Cookbook at the Souvenir Shop.
    Yay me, I remembered to untick the little comment thingy, something I have forgotten to do at every site I comment at for a week.


    • Barb says:

      Oh thank you, Georgette. That’s just what I needed. Absolution. And I’m so glad I have a compatriot in the Forgot-To-Unclick Club. I’m wondering if we could start a movement and march on WordPress?


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