Memorial Day Cooking Made Easy

If that turkey vulture looks at me one more time...I'll barf on him.

“Come get me, Spectra!!!”

After my last post (or the lack of it), it became clear, I needed new assistants. Fortunately Spectra saved the day by sending me one of her best employees as a prize in her Best Snow Man Ever Contest.

Little Lambie, my new employee,  clambered over the keyboard 24/7  not only to resurrect the missing cookbook, but also to personally ensure the Grand Opening of the Before Morning Breaks Souvenir Shop where your gold  ingots can buy  comfort, convenience, and good health. Check it out. You’ll find a treasure trove of wonders like…the long awaited Cookbook…..

Here’s a sneak peek into the Cookbook of Horrors

Toad in the hole:                                                              Banana Guacamole

That’s not chocolate. Those are sausages swimming in Yorkshire pudding. Grab a fork to stab yourself in the eyes.

Perfect for the hiker, runner and strong-intestined.








Cheese Milk                                                                        Cold Salad Gravy

Dip cracker and pretzels in your milk, now!

Forget chocolate, cheese is the new flavor. Good in coffee and tea, too.


Looks like the Mr. Turkey vulture has been here

Greens and grease. The perfect lunch combo Guaranteed to make guests check into a hotel after 1 day.







Franken Cakes                                        Snickers Apple Salad (no kidding)

Pudding, apples, a tub of whip cream and Snickers for those people who like to pick stuff out of their salads.
From the kitchen of carlykmyta

Breakfast for Loggers and Frankenstein. No little piggys in a blanket meal…this is the whole foot.

Sandwiches for families on the GO…..

Add bacon for a gourmet touch

Fills a belly better’n jelly!

Mashed Potato Putty: Instant mashed potatoes spread over bread for sandwiches



And for dessert…..

Actually, you’ll have to buy these. Banana-flavored treats from Archie MCPhee.

or find your own Banana slugs.

All of these stomach numbing recipes and more can be yours.  Just click on the tab in the header-banner and take a Memorial Day stroll down the aisles.

About Barb

I escaped from a hardscrabble farm in Oklahoma. I'm not sure why people think I have an accent. I miss the sunshine, but not the fried foods.
This entry was posted in A Laugh, Change, Cooking, Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

57 Responses to Memorial Day Cooking Made Easy

  1. Pingback: You got a what? | The M3 Blog

  2. Pingback: How I Became a Crappy Scammer | Before Morning Breaks

  3. Perhaps it taste better than it looks. I am a brave eater. As long as its cooked, not moving, not rotten or no dangerous ingredients, I can be adventurous. Lets see……I can try the banana guacamole. I grew up knowing avocado is a dessert fruit. We put sugar, milk or condense milk with it. It can also be a delicious fruit shake too. Thanks…


  4. riatarded says:

    where are you Barb? the blogosphere misses you!


  5. One Snickers Salad, please! Oh, wait, I have to make it myself?! Great blog – visiting by way of Virginia Views.


  6. Orice says:

    MMmmmmm…The banana slugs tempted me. LOL. Great piece!


  7. Margie says:

    My father in law talks about eating lard sandwiches when he was a kid – it was all they could afford sometimes. I think they would have loved the Franken Cakes!


  8. pegoleg says:

    If more salad bars featured Snickers Apple Salad I’d be eating healthy for SURE.


  9. mj monaghan says:

    Those are some truly revolting sights.


  10. El Guapo says:

    Thank you, I think I’m going to be ill.
    No, wait, just read the comment above about “Spacos”.
    Now I know I’m going to be ill.


  11. riatarded says:

    Oh my! Cheese and milk?

    I think I died a little >.<


  12. I bet your grocer finds you amusing. Thanks for the recipe giggles. No slugs necessary.


  13. JustI says:

    Barb, I hope you don’t mind, but I thought you could use a helping hand in the veggie category of your cookbook 🙂


  14. Pingback: Memorial Day Veggie Accompaniment Cookbook « JustUs Society

  15. I’ve think you’ve got some good starters for a shop…
    Gotta go. Time to make dinner. All of this looks good if I don’t have to cook.


  16. digipicsphotography says:

    This should be marketed as a weight loss book. I think you have stumbled onto something here!


  17. Al says:

    I tried the Franken Cake. Delicious. I didn’t have any spam so I used the eye of a newt.


  18. My daughter and I agree that the banana slug lollipop is the only edible thing featured in this post…


  19. Jon says:

    It’s only fair. If the slugs eat my veggies then I have to eat them to steal back the nutrition.


  20. Rose L says:

    Ugh! I lost it at the slugs. Gag! URP! Excuse me while I run to the ladies room!


  21. dorannrule says:

    Great ideas for unwanted visitors. They will surely never come back! 🙂 By the way Barb, I have terminated my old blog and started anew with Dor’s Virginia Views. I hope you will follow me there at . Thanks. Dor


    • Barb says:

      You betcha, I’ll be right over to click your buttons. Of course, I think beginners in Country living should be ambushed by the skunks, night sounds, bobcats eating their cats and people dumping off dogs. Kind of a hazing that initiates them into the lifestyle.


  22. Worrywart says:

    Thanks, I found those visuals very helpful in preparing for long weekend of eating. I may actually lose weight if I conjure up the image of the slugs each time I sit down at the table.


  23. Red says:

    *Resolves to climb kitchen cabinets to find hidden camera.*
    PS *Idly wonders about asking for a credit, but thinks better of it.*


    • Barb says:

      I’ve perfected a robotic “fly on the wall”. If you see it, please don’t swat it. It’s thousands of dollars of high technology in order to gain your cooking secrets. The next book will be: How Red….er…I mean….How Anyone Can Organize their Fridge to Hide Chocolate.


      • Red says:

        I how your bug is good with directions. I keep the chocolate out of the kitchen. The good stuff is where it deserves to be…in the medicine cabinet!


  24. Roxie Matthews says:

    Cold hot dogs dunked in a jar of mayo. Margarine and sugar on white bread. Maple syrup on Jello. My granny used to put two spoonfuls of sugar into her glass of Mogen David. None of them quite as appalling as the potato putty spread. Ewww! this is gonna be a great cookbook!


    • Barb says:

      What’d you say? I was busy stealing….er…writing down your suggestions. I’ve made that sugar on white bread combo. This morning I couldn’t figure out why my eggs tasted so interesting. Turns out I used maple flavoring instead of cooking oil. I’m a natural in recipe development for this cookbook.


  25. JustI says:

    I think I could lose weight just by looking at the pictures in the cookbook. Especially, the Banana Slug Pops and Mashed Potato Putty. I’m forwarding a copy of your cookbook to Dr. Oz! 🙂


  26. I wouldn’t let Lambie sit beside you while you do any internet banking. As well as being incredibly talented Spectra is deep and devious. Lambie may be a secret spy. I have dipped my earrings in boiling water, but still have reservations. They are gorgeous. As is Lambie. Is this part of the clever plot?
    I am so sorry that I didn’t have these recipes while my partner’s sister the incredibly fussy eater was visiting. Banana slug come on down (then up).


    • Barb says:

      Lil’ Lambie has proven to be an invaluable assistant, although the leers she gets from my other assistants…Mr. Turkey Vulture in particular, do make her nervous. I hadn’t even thought about the spy-aspect, perhaps I get the keys to my car back from Lambie?


      • Spectra says:

        No, no no, ladies… Lambie totally needs those car keys. How else will she run errands for you, Barb? Phsh! As for the Spy Aspect. All I can say is, Like Mark Zuckerberg, personal information gathering is just a neccessity in these thought-stealing times, and any information the tiny computer chip embedded inside Lambies glow-in-the-dark head should aquire will only be used for benevolent purposes. Such as getting me all of those gross recipes and spreading them all over the internet to prevent your horrid book from ever hitting the book shelves. Humanity will thank me later.

        I like the potato spackle spread. Can I get summa dat wit Bacon Bits, please??


  27. Silva Gang says:

    Is it just me, or does that Snickers apple salad sound delish?! Man, I want to go make one right now! Sadly, I would probably try (at least once) everything on that menu… well, except for maybe the banana slug thing. That just seems too weird. I have to draw the line somewhere. 😉


  28. Elyse says:

    I love your assistant, too. But I won’t for long as my arteries are hardening as I type.


    • Barb says:

      Usually I believe that all wonderful foods must be loaded with fat–that’s what makes them tasty-good. But in the case of these gut-busters, I think fat doesn’t help the taste quotient.


  29. Arindam says:

    It was Hilarious. 🙂 That Banana Guacamole will be in high demand, as everyone wants to be healthy these days. 🙂


  30. moma escriva says:

    Hurray! Finally the Cookbook has arrived. That’s gotta be one big spamcake. I understand Hawaiians love that stuff on just about anything.


  31. This is the kind of food served at some of our potlucks. Looking forward to more ideas. Hilarious


  32. curm says:

    sounds almost as good as my grapefruit and graham cracker stew


  33. magsx2 says:

    I love your assistant, and cute too. 🙂
    I know some people from my past that I would love to serve some of these delightful dishes too, especially that wonderful banana slug. 😆


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