While the rest of the world was grilling chicken legs and climbing mountains, I spent my weekend with my computer, Wheezy.
The old gal takes about 10 minutes to get going every day. Like old Mother Hubbard with too many kids, she’s got the biggest, oldest brat, Microsoft, tugging at her apron, nagging her for another security fix every time she wakes up.
And then there’s that hyperactive Norton kid. He’s looking under her skirts, poking through the pantries for cookies, and crying before he’s actually hurt.
Once ol’ Wheezy gets all her balls in the air, she seems to be able to juggle them all right. Although, if I leave her alone too long, she goes to sleep and even shaking her mousy eyeballs won’t rouse her.
Don’t bother sending me tips on culling her start-up chores, registry, and malware. Wheezy and I’ve been through it all. We’ve got our system worked out in which I stand on my left foot, unplugging and replugging the modem and router, and she’ll agree to talk to the sleek and egotistical printer within 10 minutes of being asked.
She’s 9, which is about 736 in computer years. She’s started making grinding and groaning noises when I download YouTube videos. I don’t know if she’s complaining about the workload or caliber of my entertainment.
So I talked to a Dell representative. Unfortunately, he formerly worked for a used car lot and answered every question with, “And can I write that up for you?” , “Now, are you ready to buy?” and my personal favorite…”I can get you good financing, only if you hurry and buy today.”
All their computers have NASA names (XPS, Inspiron). I’m still looking for a computer named Dorothy or Trixie.
Hopefully, Wheezy will survive the colonoscopy the External Hard Drive is about to give her.
I know she wants to retire soon.
Before Morning Breaks 
LOL.. What a funny idea… I like this fun post and i want to share this with my friends.
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Thanks Circuit Board, When I looked at my post, I realized you were just the person to administer first aid to ol’ Wheezy. Unfortunately, her slots are full and you’d have to Frankenstein them out her backside. I guess surgery is part of aging for computers as well as humans. Thanks for stopping by, and you’re welcome to share the post with your friends.
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You’re right about “9 being about 736 years. Sigh.. .
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My two year old, sleek and flashy laptop quit work on Monday. No indication of ill health, no grumblings of dissatisfaction with the job or work hours. Nothing. It just quit.My old computer would never have left me in a lurch like that… Hang onto your Wheezy!
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Wheezy’s twin, Zeke, has been through a lot of the same thing, and he finally had to undergo a Total Innards Replacement, including new motherboard, new operating system, and all new and improved Software. Still the same old Insprion box, however, and the same old Dell connections and Secret Stuff inside. We limp along, pretending It Is Forever, but I do so fear one of us is heading toward that Great Recycle Bin in the sky.
(The older Mac laptop just sits here and snickers.) (Little snot.)
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Yes, those Macs can be quite snotty in a behind your back sort of way. I do admire your resurrection of Zeke. Perhaps you’d consider renaming him Lazarus?
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When you do finally replace Wheezy, you can keep her around so at night she can tell the young whippersnapper how things used to be!
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Rose, I can even talk to the computer. How will I ever get two computers to talk to each other? I’d love to get a baby computer I could train up in the way I want it to go, but you know they come preprogrammed and already have learned bad tricks.
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Wheezy has such personality! such charm! And there’s always the learning curve of a new cyber device. Keep Wheezy going on life-support as long as you can. Better the devil you know, than the devil you don’t know.
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Amen, Roxie. Amen. Perhaps you could come over for an exorcism?
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Been there, endured that. And a new wheezeless starts to cough up cyber fur balls nano seconds after you have become attached to its ways. Sigh.
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Hush!D Hush! Sue. There’s too much learning curve to spend it all on furballs.
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After a busy weekend, I needed a good laugh. No, not laughing at you, but with you. Do you think Wheezy has younger siblings? I may have one; I’m watching and praying. 🙂
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Wheezy has well past menopause, so hopefully the sibling has a few more teeth left to byte with.
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Retire the poor fella! After 9 years (9,000 in computers) he needs to be put out to cyberspace pasture.
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What do old computers do in cyberspace? Hibernate?
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