It’s Monday. Time to slip on your hot flash jacket, and head back to work. Like a female
pine cone squeezing its scales with humidity, (yes, pine cones have gender) fabric woven with chemistry and British voodoo will react to internal and external temperatures. (Developed by UK based Centre for Biometric Technologies according to Gizmag)
Soon, women screaming obscenities and ripping clothing off in a hormonal red-faced flush will be a thing of the past. The jacket’s fibers open when it’s warm and shut snug when the idiot in the next cubicle opens a window during a snowstorm.
You don’t have this ensemble in your closet? Then slip on your essential black pants that help with depression.
Yeah, I don’t have a pair either. Smart clothes aren’t available at Macy’s yet, but they’re here.
I especially like the silks which are handily imbued with medicines or nanotube yarn. Your favorite blue smart shirt will slowly release your prescription right into your skin and monitor blood pressure.
I’m saving my bucks for:
The perfect tag-team Black Friday shirt. The Proximity Sensing T-Shirt is available at the ThinkGeek store. The “radar screen” on the shirt scans for matching shirts. If you get near your counterpart wearing the same shirt, the radar on your shirt “locks on” and detects the other. Most folks will put one on their dog or kid. I’ll put one in my backseat, because whenever I come out of the mall, I find my sneaky little car has moved to another row—or another lot.
The BLU Jacket. Semiconductiors in this sheath of organic fabric displays moods through signs and colors. You say…So what? Your 1960 mood ring did the same thing. But Lunar Design also has a GPS module built into it. Theoretically you can project a map onto your jacket’s sleeve through its flexible display. (Without that irritating woman who lives in the Garmin snottily saying, “Recalculating.”) Because I’m lost most of the time, I plan on wearing the jacket as a giant billboard and making a few bucks for shopping as I wander around looking for my car.
Hydro-electric-Me Jacket: Cornell University’s Department of Textiles and Apparel aims to coat cotton threads with semiconductor polymers and nanoparticles to conduct electricity and self- power your cell phone or iPod.
Great! Not only does my body have to fuel miscellaneous organs, but now my apps.
I already have some talking boots, but a powered-up jacket is a change I can live with. It’s a great reason to put on a silk shirt infused with peppy vitamins and head back to the food court.
Do these smart pants make me look fat?