A Tube of Tea, please?

I don’t get it.

You’re going to have to explain it to me. Sure, sure, when it comes to a hot day on the beach nothing’s better than a cooler of drinks. You’ll find me head down, bottom up, clawing through layers of chipped ice, looking for a soda.  I used to drink beer, but it just gives me a headache and flabby gut now.

Sometimes I run into bottles of home-brewed root beer  or sparkling peachy ciders. Heavenly Hoopla. Pop the top on that! ! It doesn’t take a huge effort to make home-sodas. You can start a batch of ginger ale tonight and be drinking it by tomorrow evening.

But what in the name of summer holiness is canned tea?  Why would anyone want to can the stuff?

Every time I run across a 99 cent, 23=ounce tube of canned  tea, I scratch my head. For 99 pennies,  I can brew up enough tea juice to satisfy a work gang. It’s not rocket science.

See the great explanation of this stuff at: bubbleteaology.com

I understand you may have to pay more for novelty gunk thrown into tea like: those chewy boba tapioca balls in bubble  tea (which have NO flavor or nutritional value whatsoever).  But that’s still only tea, sugar, cream, and tapioca bobas.  No mystery there—just chewy lumps in your sugared drink.

Dallas Cowboy Fan and I recently went into an artisan tea shop located in a caboose which was curiously parked no where near a train. The lower walls of the train car were stuffed with clear quart jars of “tea debris.” We dutifully smelled and sniffed sticks, leaves, and berries. Then we climbed ladders to sit 6 feet up in tiny booths to enjoy our cups which were 8 oz, $5 each, (which was a bit unnerving, but I think the the zen music was supposed to even out my tea confusion.)

And yet, I’m still befuddled about canned tea. For example, the Arizona tea company reported a billion bucks in sales last year for their fructose/water/tea mixture.

A couple of years ago, the uber-secret recipe was for Coca Cola was published by This American Life who’d found it  inadvertently displayed in a graphic accompanying an old ad. Coke denies it. They still maintain the “current” recipe is in the vault and only 2 executives know the formula and those two people can never travel together.

You can look at the recipe here. It’s rather tedious. I’d just buy a can instead of going through all the work to denature cocoa leaves.

So just for you, dear readers, and for the sake of cookery journalism, I’m going to reveal the ULTRA-X secret recipe of MeeMaw’s Summer Tea

  • Throw  5-8 bags of tea in a gallon jug of water.
  • Screw the lid on so the bugs, wasps,  and muddobbers don’t take a dip.
  • Set in sunshine 3-5 hours (depends on how hot it is. Go by the color).
  • Sweeten to taste.

Sorry canned tea companies if I put you out of business. It’s just that some changes (like canned tea) will have to be explained to me.

‘Fess up!! How many of you are tubed-tea-drinkers?


About Barb

I escaped from a hardscrabble farm in Oklahoma. I'm not sure why people think I have an accent. I miss the sunshine, but not the fried foods.
This entry was posted in A Laugh, Cooking, Humor, Life and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

29 Responses to A Tube of Tea, please?

  1. colonialist says:

    Younger daughter is a fan of lemon ice tea, or lemonised tea, as I call it. I don’t see the point of that. It reminds me of the absurdity of all the bottled water consumed. I watched the process in a popular little factory. They took tap water, ran it through a purifier, and bottled it. If there was a rush order, they skipped the purifier. Nobody knew the difference.


  2. Elyse says:

    I will confess to loving Honest Tea. Yes, I buy it. But it is not just plain tea — it is mixed with flavors and just the right sweetness. OK. So I’m lazy. I don’t make my own lemonade either …


  3. Recie says:

    I inadvertantly purchased Bubble Tea a couple weeks ago and swear it will be the last time. The tapioca marbles at the bottom of my cup not only cogged up my straw, but added absolutely nothing to the flavor of the tea.


    • Barb says:

      I think a person either loves them or hates them. Since I’m sort of a plain-tea purist, I was appalled at the mouth-feel of blobs of tapioca floating in my tea.


  4. I used to make sun tea–so glad you reminded me. My taste has deteriorated so I’m perfectly happy dripping a few drops of flavor into a glass of water, added sugar and ice. Yikes!


    • Barb says:

      Me, too. I find one of those tiny packages of Crystal Light granules will help me down a water bottle. I don’t know why I don’t drink more water….too many other choices, I guess.


  5. Roxie says:

    Oh dear, I LOVE bubble tea! Green tea with honey and bubbles is my favorite. I play with the tapiocas, rolling them around in my mouth, savoring their pliant, slippery texture, then trapping them between my molars and chomping down. And yes, when we are out and about, and the thirst hits, I relish a bottle of peach Snapple (“made from the finest stuff on earth.”) But the canned tea – ick! It tastes synthetic. My very favorite though, is Black Rock coffee shop’s tea. Earl Grey, with orange syrup. Hot or iced, it’s delicious. Expensive, yes. That just adds to the indulgence. I make it at home for a tenth of the price, But the cheery, chatty kids at BlackRock make it worth the expense.


    • Barb says:

      Leave it to you, Roxie to be give job security to those kids working at the coffee shop. I hve to admit orange syrup in teas sounds pretty good, though.


  6. I drink a lot of tea at home, so it’s not a biggie to make it. On the road, though, I’ll admit to picking up a premade bottle of tea when we stop to get gas. Better than a can of soda.


  7. No tube tea here. I am not even certain it is available. And my mingy self wouldn’t buy it if it was. I really, really resent paying several arms and legs for easily made, cheap beverages.


    • Barb says:

      Yes, I wonder how we ever became convinced to pay outrageous prices for common drinks? But we do it. It’s probably one of the best slow-manipulation campaigns ever perpetrated. We must be crazy. (Well, all except you. You’re the only wise one in the bunch.) Good luck on keeping the rest of us sane.


  8. I have bought tube tea. Because: it takes hours for the steeping, and then the chilling! Sometimes I not on the ball and am left with nothing but pop, and I just am too thirsty. Arizona tea is here in Ireland (green tea with honey) and if we travel, sometimes Lipton (but no lemon, please!). Irish people just do not do iced tea – I even had a conversation today with a woman in her sixties who has never had it, and asked me how to make it! Um…
    I miss sun-tea, as we called it in Florida. I still remember seeing it being brewed, for the first time ever (I was born in NJ) and how stunningly beautiful the big glass jar looked, so amber and gold. Then…the taste! Wonderful.


    • Barb says:

      Okay…now wait a minute. No iced tea? Is MiWadi or Red Lemonade served over ice?


      • Nope, no cold tea at all! Except for the rare tube-tea find in a garage. I’ve never seen anyone put ice in a cordial like MiWadi, either – though one of my coworkers has been freezing the plastic water bottle for a bit since it was warm at work. For, oh, two weeks anyway 🙂
        I’ve never seen anyone drink straight red lemonade. I’ve only seen it added to booze! It’s disgusting, too. I’ve seen people add ice to Lucozade (our Gatorade) in a pub, because then it looks like a pint of cider (which can also have ice).


  9. We are on the same page. I’ve wonder about paying for all the easily prepared stuff, including the high-dollar “vitamin water.”


  10. Alice Lynn says:

    You always find the most interesting things to write about! This one suits me to a T. Pun intended. 🙂


  11. This is easy. I’m a coffee drinker. No tea, canned or otherwise for me. However, I can’t explain why I pay $5 at Starbucks when I can brew it at home cheaper. Even using a Keurig it’s only 50 cents. Maybe it’s the atmosphere I’m paying for and the opportunity to get blog material.


    • Barb says:

      It’s a splurge, isn’t it? I tell myself…”Oh…Barb…you’ve had a bad day. You deserve a little treat. Surely that Starbucks drink has fewer calories than a chocolate milkshake? You go and get one of those drinks and pamper yourself.

      Besides….it’s a really convenient place to meet people.

      But still…spending the bucks is really illogical.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. nrhatch says:

    Fantastic post, Barb. Bubble tea => odd. Not a fan. Chew Chew.
    Not a fan of paying $5 for $0.10 tea. Even in a caboose. Choo Choo

    BFF drinks lots of iced tea. Home-brewed. By us. In half-gallon containers. For pennies a serving. When we go out, we take home-brewed iced tea with us. In a cooler. On ice. That’s nice.


    • Barb says:

      Wait…are you saying restaurants will let you haul your own drinks in… or are you talking about going out to parks? You must be a gal who does some planning before she goes out. (cooler, ice, cups, brew tea, sugar, honey…is there room for sandwiches in the cooler now?)


      • nrhatch says:

        No . . . but we don’t eat out often. I meant that we brought drinks if we’re running errands so we don’t have to pay big bucks just to quench our thirst.


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